You think you're turning Japanese?

I really, really don't like wapanese people.

If you're kind of new to things like, you know, the internet, school, or any public place in which people can express their opinion (and/or make it painfully obvious how much of a freakish waste of carbon they are) then you probably need to have the term "wapanese" explained to you.

Okay, well, have you ever seen white guys that listen to some hip-hop music, decide it's the best thing since sliced bread (seriously, it's like regular bread, but they even slice it for you!) and think "gee whiz I guess I should act like a walking, talking stereotype of a race I don't even belong to! That sounds like a swell Idea!" (In reality, this sounds more like "Damn I best be hangin' wif da homie dawgz", but I like my way better. Fun fact: five out of nine of those words are not recognized by Firefox, so if you're "hangin' wif da homie dawgz" you'd be bilingual if you weren't retarded.)

Wapanese people are sort of the same, except instead of "Gee whiz this shitty hip-hop music is great" it's "Oh my god I really love animé/manga/japanese video games so now everything made in Japan is better than everything else ever made! I sure do love Pocky, green-tea flavoured Kit-Kat bars, and books that you read backwards! I sure do hate being !

Now, I'm not against freedom of thought. I think that you should be allowed to think whatever you want. They keyword is think. Being a blatant Japanophile is "thinking" in the same way shitting out your window is "fertilizing."

Now there are probably a lot of politically-correct people thinking "hey this guy hates Wapanese people which means he's a racist" (just kidding, nobody reads my blog. You see that? You're nobody!) so here's a bunch random facts meant to appease a bunch of people that don't exist:

1. Metal Gear Solid
Probably the first shooter I've played that involved several things I liked, namely thinking, planning, a storyline, a plot, likeable characters, you know, things that actually make a good videogame. The story was easy enough to follow right up until you started playing Metal Gear Solid 2. (To this day, that game makes about as much sense as Einstein's theory of general relativity as explained by a pack of rabid tapdancing badgers). Then you hit Metal Gear Solid 3, and you think "The Cold War probably felt kind of weird, what with all the Russians having American accents."

2. Japanese RPGs
Okay, well, these tend to vary, and they're all variations of "a bunch of teenagers with funny hairstyles go kill monsters in exotic places" The Final Fantasy series (and Tales of Vesperia) are all great examples of why you can get away with doing the same thing over and over again as long as you're good at it (unlike prostitution).

3 Pokémon.
This series of games, cards, and TV shows has probably touched the lives of more children than a stereotypical Catholic priest. Seriously though, there are over 14 billion Pokémon cards in circulation right now. (They're next in line to take over the world, after the ants, the cockroaches, and New Zealand. They're planning something over there, god dammit!)

4. This.

"Recession? What recession?"
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but this one is also good at conveying jaw-dropping silence. It's a life-sized Gundam, for fuck's sake. It's got a rotating head. It can stare you down. How long do you think we have until they'll start crushing your homes and beam-swording your children?

Well, I, for one, welcome our robotic overlords, but, just in case, grab a Wapanese person sometime to use as a meat-shield. (No apocalypse-surviving kit is complete without one.)